i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
