There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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