She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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