What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
