turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
