I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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