Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
