we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
