youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
