Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
