i barfeds in our rink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
