How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
