That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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