I think scott just propositioned me for sex
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
