His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
