My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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