I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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