Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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