Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
