I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
