somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
