I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
