We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
