while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize