I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
