He uses pillows to masturbate.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
