last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
