Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
