All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
