I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
