If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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