Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
