I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
