Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I smell like Dick and happiness
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