When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
