I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
