So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
