I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
