i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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