I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
