yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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