I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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