I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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