mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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