i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
