I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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