We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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