he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
