Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
