Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
