I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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