I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
