Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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