dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
