I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
