i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
